Let-me-test-this-girl game

 

Is it right to pretend to a person with whom you claim to be in love with? How right is it to make the other person’s life a living hell just to validate her presence in life? Is it always right to be so obstinate to that girl who loves you so much, honestly and genuinely that she could never know how it is to be in love actually? Is ruthlessness the only way that you can check whether she’s the one no matter if it pushes her to the breakage point?

Like the title suggests, some men (who can be called as lab specimens) have a tendency to test drive their girl with whom they are in a relationship. Just to check whether she can stand the test of time and the pressure of all relationship circumstances they tend to put her within all sorts of emotionally charged up drama. On the name of love, they don’t even budge to give her a cold shoulder especially when she needs him the most. That she is desperate to reach to him to share her worries just to find him say NO to her just because he’s judging her.

It’s just that why they fail to realize that all this hard work is not required to be put up everytime. Those words once out of the mouth can be forgotten but not forgiven. I remember pain as staring at myself in the mirror with tears streaming down my face and wiping them just to see them rolling back.

That window shopping for love can also hurt terribly.

Being that girl I can say that I tried very hard to understand that strange behaviour. Experiencing those kinds of atrocious affections was really uncalled for especially when I deserved to be treated royally, (being in love) explore him and bask into the glory of his affections. However, I never had single clue that I was under constant scrutiny whereas as I was showing him with utmost love, all unconditionally and innocently. 

Being on an extended trial by him to determine whether I meet his needs, I was hurtful because of his opinionated behaviour towards me. Gradually getting extinguished by his defensive behaviour yet wounding words at times a part of me inside used to die a slow death.

Constantly being fed the ‘less emotional attachment’ policy to me, we were in a relationship about which I had no clue. Despite that my inner voice made me stuck to who I am. Whatever emotional violence I underwent, I accepted it without any complaint but only pining for a hope to invoke that change within him where he’ll realize how much love I have in store for him. 

The bitter truth at the moment of his confession of his discreet scrutiny conducted onto me went straight inside me like that sleeper drug that activates to affect from inside eventually.

Did he try to make sure whether he fulfils my requirements in my man- emotional, mental, physical, financial, and sexual? The answer to it is still indefinite. 

Still something silly inside me tells that he loves me! He’s a completely imperfect fool who has fallen in love with me with hell lot of shortcomings and I have accepted him the way he is.

I am a fascinating night owl with a pen

Nah, it's not a booty call or a porno peek-a-boo that I am indicating at. It's just that as much productive I find myself during nights while WRITING I am not even close to half of it during daytime. Guess, I have a longer circadian rhythem.

According to many writers and their experiences some find it good to write before they take a shower, in love or with an empty stomach. The first two reasons still make some sense but the third one fails to do so with much conviction. Without having a shower I don't even grab a bite leave apart writing. Love, it does inspire me but more or less like one way traffic. Thanks to my king of the unromantics, he doesn't contribute too much yet to my writing as much I want to credit him for.

However, believably, my mornings, afternoons and evenings are the time that fill up my pail of ideas with all of the creativity that I would want to pour into my writing. Rather than making it look like a race to the finish, as a writer, I try to enjoy it as relaxing in a day old meditation session or immersion in a hot water tub. My imagination peaking the highest during the graveyard shift is with less distractions. I am more focussed and have greater ideas flowing in. 

And it's not even I already chalk out a plan or make a broad outline to write faster or finish of writing quickly. It's just spontaneous combustion of all creative fuel inside the mind stove that keeps my writing all energised up. Great music with loud beats keeps me vibrating as I start framing the first sentences and build up the momentum.

The only disadvantage is that by the end of it I am completely burnt out. But the happiness and the satisfaction is all worth it at the end!

If you ever feel like trying my kind of writing and choosing the right kind of music to keep you up all motivated during those sleepy hours, try Billboard Chart Hits.

Chronicles of an amazement

Have you ever felt love giving an aim to you in life? Has that one unexpected confession of love just removed those thick clouds of haze and confusion from the horizon of your love life? If your answer is in accord then you would already know this amazing feeling inside your heart and the butterflies in your stomach. Yes, they both occur at the same time. And I experienced it yesterday.

Somewhere in between, with him, traces of despair and ego did creep in of which I am guilty too. But his sudden confession yesterday cleared those thick clouds of haze and showed me my path with clarity. It's so amazing when you see your guy (who is the king of the unromantics) suddenly be so vocal about his feelings and be so caring for you that he has ever been. That moment is so overwhelming that when those words dipped in love pure leave his mouth and reach your ears it is the same moment when your heart melts so much that you tend to go blank yet mushy. You forget all your anger and animosity to him as the world around you turns all rosy.

The magic is so strong that even if I am mad at him I eventually forgive him. I always find out a way to calm down and find a detour to change the topic (which subsequently turns boring) and reverse an argument into a love talk. He always makes it a point to pacify me as soon as he senses that I am boiling. And unbelievably, we both end up pleasing each other. Those are the spells when I also explore a new aspect about his nature which is so thrilling. We both move on making silly love jokes at each other rather than what we start with-arguing.

Suddenly I realise to become a fool for him in love and become the most patient audience that the world has ever witnessed. So, he announced me as his girl who is just a wife-in-waiting. We both are into this for the long haul.

From that moment, everything has changed for me. And yes, he still takes my breath away when I look into his eyes.